Dick Town

Title: Can I Make You Stay?

Author: dronesforhands

Pairing: Belldom

Rating: M for language, suicide mention

WARNINGS: Swearing, suicidal thoughts, more biphobia

Summary: A pizza delivery leads to a new opportunity.

Disclaimer: It's fiction

Author's Note: Another short chapter at 382 words. I wrote this so long ago, and I know this is not a good chapter. It's also the last old chapter, so only new stuff from here on out. (aka not so crappy)

“You’re-?

“I quit at the firm ‘cause I was suicidal. My fiancé had left me after I told her about my past of dating guys. People at the firm began to talk, saying I was a pussy to let her dump me right before our wedding. I was to kill myself when I got home, but I didn't. I was too much of a pussy to go through, so I told myself to fix my life if I couldn't end it.”

Matt took a deep breath to hold back the tears.


“My music fixes me.”

I felt the shame rise to my face.

I sat for several moments, awkward and drunk, as Matt took a long swallow. I was sure he was going to kick me out. Why the fuck did I have to say all that shit?

“Don’t get all quiet on me, Dom. It’s not your fault. If all that shit didn’t happen, I would’ve kept living my life as a lie.”

“Right, right. I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be, please.”

A few moments passed before Matt spoke, as if he was testing unsure ground.

“.. Hell , I wouldn’t be here, talking to such a looker like you,” Matt smiled, slurring slightly. The lonely look had disappeared.

My cheeks flushed with relief.

Two could play at this game.

I finished my beer and made my way towards the kitchen. “As if you could land me ,” I quipped.

I went and nosed around his kitchen for another beer. As I closed the refrigerator, Matt materialized behind the door with a miffed look.

“What do you mean by that?!”

“I mean that I don’t throw myself at every customer that offers me drinks and pizza.”

Matt moved closer. “Well, if you don’t mind me asking, just how many customers do?”

I cocked my head to the side innocently and matched his step closer. “Do what? Do me?”

“Fucking idiot,” he chuckled breathily, “sure, how many get the honor?”

I looked upwards, feigning deep thought. “So far, none, but there is this one lad..”

“Hmm?” Matt crossed his arms. “Do I know him?”

“Well, for one thing, he sure is an idiot.”

“How so?”


“Cause he still hasn’t kissed me yet.”

Matt didn’t miss a beat as he met his mouth to mine.

Puberty’s a bitch. Everyone knows that. What I mean to tell you is, puberty was a real mess of a bitch to me. I never much liked the way I was, I was always shorter and skinnier than all the other guys, but it didn’t much bother me until it happened. It’s not that I didn’t know it was coming. I just choose not to think of it, I mean, I was too happy to think of the shitstorm ahead. Everything was alright in those days, not always perfect, but it was enough for me, just being one of the guys. Me and my mates Chris and Tom would play football in the streets, just shirtless and happy kids, until the neighbors shooed us away. Even then, we’d stay out til dusk kicking the ball around. Only then would we return to Chris’s home, giddy from who knows what, was it just the sheer joy of youth? It was total bliss. I could live in the present, without pressure from anyone to conform to anything. I would stay for hours, long after Tom left, joking with Chris as we played video games long into the night. As we got older, Chris would always talk of his plans for the future, how he wanted to be a veterinarian, but it was too gay, wasn’t it, Chris would say. That’s what all the girls want to be, Chris said. And then it slipped, I almost didn’t hear it, he muttered so quietly. You should know. Thinking back, I know he didn’t mean any harm by it, but it stung, it really did. See? Even my happiest memories are tainted. No rest for the weary, they say. And I am so fucking sick of this. My body is my greatest vice, you’d think it’d be otherwise. Ever since it happened, I can’t look at myself without feeling nauseous. These things, these awful breasts, didn’t grow overnight, I know, I’m not a total idiot, but the first time it truly got to me, I wanted to die. The first day of high school had just ended, and I wanted, needed a game or two to get rid of the stress of new faces. I always am terrible in new groups of people, and Chris wasn’t in any of my classes. I felt lost without him, he was always there, but now he was at a different school. As normal, I went to Chris’s house for some football. Instead of Tom’s usual blue bike in the yard, there was another bike, an unfamiliar yellow one with blue floral pattern. I thought Tom had simply gotten a new one, I was so clueless. Naively, I barged in, taking off my shirt and balling it so I had a projectile to throw at Tom for his gay ass bike. Briefly, I wondered why they weren’t already outside as I started shouting for them. That’s when I bumped into her. I couldn’t give you her name even if you threatened to rip out my eyeballs. What I do remember, however, is the absolute horrid glare she gave me when she saw me, naked to her eyes. And the scream, oh god, the scream haunts my nightmares still today. You woulda thought I was murdering her with my nudity. Chris came barreling into the room, as if he was expecting a texas chainsaw massacre remake in his hallway. His lips were swollen, and it didn't take much for me to guess what they had been up to. I still remember the way how he looked at me, then her, and then back to me. But he wasn’t really looking at me, no, he was looking more so at those awful growths on my chest. I could see fear in his eyes. Matty, you should maybe put your shirt back on, he said. That’s when it really got to me. Before that moment, I never gave a single damn about what people thought. But things changed then and there. Automatically, I threw the shirt back on, all the while running, no, sprinting away from that house. I wanted to scream, punch someone, rip off my own goddamn chest. I wound up by the river, god knows I didn't have the strength to face my mother then. She's a bit less understanding than most, even now. Chris was always my escape from her.

Staring at the water, I stood there for quite some time. I don't remember how long, but I know it was dark by the time I chickened out. Lemme tell you, I was prepared to end it in that river. Death seemed better than ever facing Chris again, but I don't know what stopped me. I really don't. The water was suddenly waist deep and it was dark as shit, and all I thought was how Chris looked so damn scared. It killed me, to see him scared of me, to have to rescue that girl from me like I was some sort of monster. I really wanted to kill myself then, and I honestly should have gone through with it, cause this sort of shit is my everyday. I mean, Chris and I are friends again, shit, I think might even love him, but it took a while and he definitely dropped that bitch. Still, I get looks all the time, looks that say who's that dyke over there? and scream look at that fucking tranny, it's a real shame she's so confused. And I hate it, it really gets to me sometimes, that I can't just escape it. I’m not even sure I can trust Chris sometimes, with memories like these. I know, I know, he's changed, but still, the movie theater in the back of my head loves to rewind these moments for me. It’s kinda difficult to be a guy when you're shorter, skinnier, weaker, and a whole ton more female than you signed up for.

I told ya, puberty’s a real motherfucking bitch.