bellaliemy | Recent Entries

Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Explicit
WARNINGS: smut, language
Summary: A pizza delivery leads to a new opportunity
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. The characters, however, aren't.
Author's Note: Smut part 2

He pulled away quickly, leaving me overcome with need, to retrieve a condom and lube. My body missed his warmth and embrace, and my dick missed his attentive hand. Impulsively, my hand went into my underwear to nurse my cock, sliding up and down, imagining his hand was mine. I watched his boxer clad ass sway from side to side as he waddled to the bathroom, probably struggling with his erection. God, I hadn’t even seen the guy’s dick, and already I was so far gone.

Biting my lip, I snuck in another hand to cradle my balls, thinking of how his tongue would feel on them. Eyes closed, I didn’t notice Matt standing at the doorway, and didn’t see how he was watching my actions intensely. I didn’t hear his suppressed groans at the absolute bliss on my face. I didn’t sense him practically hurl himself onto the bed until my hands were suddenly his hands, and he was attacking my neck with hot kisses down to my collarbones.

My hands snaked into his soft hair as I let out a positively delicious moan. Matt had moved on from my dick, his fingers probing at my asshole. He let up from my neck, looked into my eyes, and brought his fingers to his mouth. He sucked until his digits were dripping, slowly removing them with a slight pop. I shivered as his hand lowered down my body, leaving a slight wet path to my entrance. His middle finger traced a circle around my hole before steadily pushing in. I clamped down on his finger, my body begging for more to come. He pumped in and out, adding one, then two more fingers, until I was squirming and ready for him.

“Fuck me,” I begged. “Now.”

Matt fished around with his free hand until he found the condom and ripped the package open with his teeth. With a soft squelch he pulled his hand out from me to secure the condom around his cock. I was mesmerized with lust as he squirted some lube onto his hand and slicked himself up, my eyes hungrily watching the way he rubbed himself, the way his head rolled back at the relief, the way his eyes grew even darker as he lined himself to my entrance and slid home.

I let out a soft whine as he filled me, the sensation making me close my eyes with satisfaction.

Matt let out a low groan. “You’re so fucking tight, Dom. I might have to keep you.”

“God, yes,” I chuckled, “Just fucking fuck me already.”

He slowly pulled out, until only his tip was inside.“Impatient much?”

Before I could give a cheeky response, he rammed back inside me, balls deep, and proceeded to fuck the absolute hell out of me.

I couldn’t hold it in. I was screaming in bliss as he fucked me with quick, hard snaps of his hips.

My hands tried to grab onto something, anything, as he built a fast rhythm, but Matt grabbed my hands and yanked them above my head in a vice-like grip. In my new exposed position, he suckled my neck, leaving dark, possessive marks. He kissed along my jawline before connecting with my gasping mouth, his tongue matching the rhythm of his hips.

Suddenly I was hit by an unexpected emptiness as he quickly pulled out. I whined at the loss, but he only smirked even more.

He let go of my wrists, only to roughly grab my ankles. “Lift up your legs,” he commanded. I obeyed, too clueless to understand in my lust addled brain. I just needed him back inside me.

He guided my legs over his shoulders, fitting against me like a puzzle piece. Finally, he slid back inside, picking up his earlier rhythm. I could see fucking stars; in the new position he hit my prostate like a damn jackhammer. I was so far gone by then, I was screaming, I had tears forming in my eyes as I begged for more, faster, harder. My balls tightened, and I felt my orgasm approaching fast.

By the grunts and swears coming out of his mouth, Matt was close too. He reached between us to grab my cock, and pumped in time to his increasingly manic thrusts. I was undone.

Hot, white spurts of cum shot across my sweaty chest. “Fuck! Matt!” I screamed, feeling his own load in me; he stilled and we came together. It was bliss.

A few moments later, he pulled out with a sigh. A condom was lazily thrown across the room and we struggled to catch our breath.

“That - that was an experience.” I breathed.

Matt turned towards me. “You’ve, uh, got a bit on your chest,” he commented.

I stared at him for a solid 20 seconds before bursting out in laughter.

Current Music: Sunday Spleen by Kazam

Title: Ass of Iron Man or The Hubris of Man
Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: belldom
Rating: teen for language
Summary: “A friend of mine and I played racquetball and he was walking up the stairs in front of me - speaking of if I’d ever been with a man - I had just beat him three games in a row, which I usually don’t - and I wanted to literally put my fingers so far into his ass that they would need to be excavated. There would need to be a dig. As it turned out, he was probably wearing some Kevlar boxers or something because I fractured the shit out of my finger.” - RDJ
Disclaimer: It’s fiction.
Author’s Note: Based off of an RDJ quote. This is for Nati.

Dom always seemed to be hanging around Matt’s house. He had a girlfriend, yes, and so did Matt, but more and more often they’d ditch them for some “guy time” together. They were each other’s best friends, after all.

Matt hadn’t used the tennis court all summer - in fact, he’d never used it at all. It was more for show, plus Elle used it as an excuse to look juicy in a tennis uniform. They’d never gotten to the court when she put on the practically-a-thong of a tennis skirt.

So who better to actually try out the tennis court than with Dom?

Matt asked him, and Dom smiled and nodded a yes. God, it was like he didn’t even know how to disagree.

An hour later and Dom was looking pathetically sweaty. He may have been incredibly coordinated with drumming, but other than that, he was about as uncoordinated as a over-enthusiastic mutt who ran into a fence chasing a ball. Matt was no professional either, but he had played a game or two before with his trainer. Other than that, Matt had never been much of the athletic type, and this was just plain sad. Every time he hit the ball towards Dom, he’d swing haphazardly as if he was trying to smash a fly. If Dom did manage to hit the ball, he would launch it out of the court. But, that damn smile hadn’t disappeared. It was irritating, really. Out here Dom was losing like hell, sweating like a pig, and he still had that same stupid grin. There must have been something wrong with him. Matt didn’t hold back as he straight up hurled the ball at Dom.

At least he had the decency to duck. “What was that for?” He shouted back, slightly chuffed.

Matt ignored him. “Let’s go inside, you keep losing anyways.” He wanted Dom to feel as annoyed as he did. If that meant picking a fight, he was more than fine with it.

Dom, back to his damn cheerful mood, headed back with Matt inside his house. It wasn’t a long walk, and Matt was more than happy to spend the time sulking silently at Dom’s glad acceptance of defeat, but Dom had to fill the void with conversation.

“You did great out there, you know. Must use this court everyday with the way you played.”

“Yeah right, you just suck complete ass,” Matt snorted. “I don’t play, not often. I’ve got nobody to play with.”

“What about Elle?”

“We mostly end up fucking before we make it to the court.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Dom chuckled. “Rayana is always jumping me anytime I’m home more than 30 seconds.”

His idiotic smile showed off his unnaturally white teeth. Matt stared for a moment at his damn perfect teeth with jealousy-fueled irritation. They made his own seem all the worse.
Matt tore his eyes away from Dom’s mouth before he could notice his hesitation.

“Probably cause you’re never home. You can’t leave a women all alone as long as you do. She’ll leave you soon enough,” Matt taunted. He left no holds barred; he was ready to start a fight.

Matt waited behind, expecting Dom to throw a punch, or at least a snappy response. But Dominic just kept walking up to the house.

“Maybe so.”

“You sound gay, mate.” Another taunt.

By this point, Matt was about to wring Dom’s neck like a chicken. He stomped after the source of his anger and brought himself ready to punch whatever his first landed on first.

He started up the stairs towards Dom, until he saw his target stop. His ass was about eye level, a seemingly perfect target for injury. Matt’s long fingers were pulled to Dom’s rear, enticed by the thought of pulling out his colon and choking Dom to death with the entrails.

“Have you ever been with a man?”

That was the moment that set Matt off. His hand shot forward as he jabbed as hard as he possibly could. As it turned out, Dom was wearing some Kevlar boxers or some shit, because Matt’s fingers broke like little twigs. It was pathetic, really, and Matt couldn’t lie, it did look pretty goddamn gay.

“Shit! What the fuck, Dom?” Matt hissed in pain. “Why the fuck would you ask that?”

“Why the fuck would you shove your fingers up my ass?” Dom yelled back.

“I don’t know! You were pissing me off!” Matt wasn’t in a mood to talk sensibly, but at least he finally got a rouse out of Dom.“Why do you have the ass of bloody Iron Man?”

“It’s called working out, Matt. Maybe you should try it some time.”

“Shut the hell up, and get me to a hospital.”

Dom didn’t stop grumbling about his rear as he ran up the stairs and returned with Matt’s car keys.

Three hours later, Matt emerged from the ER with a clunky looking splint holding his hand together. Of course, Dom was sitting in the waiting room, and lit up like a puppy as he saw that Matt was indeed alright. He eagerly stood up to meet the grumbling man.

“My hand’s broken.” Matt stated. He was ignoring Dom’s concerned gaze.

“I see. No gigs for you for a while,” Dom patted his back.

“Your ass alright?” Matt asked apprehensively.

“Always,” Dom flashed his blinding grin, causing Matt to groan.

They were silent for a moment as they made their way back to the car.

“Shouldn’t you call Elle?” Dom asked. “She might be worried, you know.”

Matt let out another groan. “Fine.” He pulled out his phone with his uninjured hand, and dialed with the pad of his thumb. “And before you ask again, yes.” Matt answered the lingering question.

“What?”

Dom heard Elle’s voice flood through the phone. Matt rested it between his shoulder and ear, and pointed with his uninjured hand to his splint.

“Yes,” He mouthed with a lift of his eyebrow.

“Knew it.”

Current Music: The Four Of Us Are Dying - NIN

I'm thinking I'm gonna edit my snowpremacy a bit more before posting on ms or ao3. I really don't like how it turned out - nothing like how I originally imagined it going down, which doesn't usually bother me but I haven't posted anything decent in a while.

Title: Cinnamon

Author: dronesforhands

Pairing: Belldom

Prompt: Baking, blackout, scented candles

Prompter: panicnhysteria

Rating: G

Warnings: fluff, language

Summary: Dom can’t find any warm socks.

Disclaimer: It’s fiction.

Author's Note: Not as long as I had hoped, family trouble and school got in the way. But, still better than not posting at all.

It was a muggy, Florida Christmas Eve. Sixty degrees and people were panicking over it being too cold. But it didn’t bother Matthew. He secretly loved when it got cold, because it was only a few days a year he got to wear his only sweater. It was a gift from his grandmother, from when he was 20 or so. Its once vibrant red had faded over the years, and it was full of holes, but he loved it with his whole heart.

Inside, Matt danced around the kitchen in this very sweater. Quiet, content humming filled the air as he was “baking” or, as Dom liked to call it, “controlled burning” a batch of brownies. Matt stood by the counter, concentrated more on shaking his bum to an invisible beat than mixing a rather lumpy looking bowl of batter.

“Matt! Do you know where my socks are?”

“Your wanksocks?” Matt snickered. “That’s fucking gross, Dom.”

A blond head poked into the kitchen. “You’re a right tit, you know.”

Dominic narrowed his eyes as he caught Matt licking raw batter off the spoon.

“Why do you need socks anyhow? You own nothing but flip flops.”

“My feet are fucking freezing!”

Matt failed to suppress a giggle with a mouthful of raw brownie.

“‘Cause you own nothing but flip flops,” Matt teased, lips rimmed with chocolate goodness. He swallowed before continuing. “Dom, I knew you’re slow in the head, but speed up the thought process a bit!”

“You’re a cunt.”

“Resorting to name calling in lack of proper prose? Oh honey, I know you can use your big boy brain.”

Dom let out a frustrated grunt as he disappeared back to his search for socks.

With a victorious grin, Matthew put down the spoon and calmly followed Dom into the living room. He stopped in the middle of the room and stood with arms akimbo just as his petty boyfriend walked out.

“Dom, this is pathetic. Come in here.”

A middle finger popped into the room. “Fuck off.”

He flopped onto the couch. There was a lump in the cushion next to him, shaped like Dom’s ass. He’d know that assprint anywhere. Matt chuckled. Assprint.

A couple minutes later, a curious Dom peeked his head back into the living room. Seeing Matt on the couch, he walked over and sat himself next to him.

Matt reached behind the couch and pulled out a red gift box, complete with a glittery bow. “Since it’s Christmas Eve and all, I’ll let you have a gift ear-”.

Wordlessly, Dom whipped the gift out of Matt’s hands, shaking it up and down roughly before tearing into the wrapping. Matt watched in faux horror as he tore at the bow with his teeth. I am dating a dumbass, Matt thought to himself. Finally, Dom managed to get the bow off without losing a tooth. He threw away the top and looked inside at the contents.

“Candles?” Dom said in a let-down tone. “Cinnamon?! Am I really that gay?”

Matt rubbed his disappointed boyfriend’s shoulders. “Dom, it’s Christmas Eve. You save the good presents for Christmas morning.” But his words didn’t reassure a grumpy Dominic.

Before Matt could open his mouth again, a loud crack sounded throughout the house.

Both men visibly jumped at the sound, Matt letting out a quiet “shit!”. Power’s out, damnit, Dom thought.

“Good thing for the candles, eh?” Matt nudged Dom as he took the candles out of his boyfriends hands and got up for a quick search for a lighter.

Frustrated from the turn of events, Dom threw his head back on the couch. No power meant no heating. I’m going to fucking freeze to death.

Matthew returned with lighters and candles, and proceeded to place the candles, filling the room with low light. His features became soft with the new lighting, yet also Dominic found something mischievous in his eyes, more so than the usual.

“I’m cold as shit,” Dom thought out loud.

He held a hand out to Dominic and pulled him off the couch. Placing his hands around Dom’s hips, Matt pulled him into an impromptu embrace. He let out a sigh as the blond’s arms wrapped around him.

“I guess I’ll have to hug the warmth into you.” Matt finally whispered. A few moments later he continued. “I read that the scent of cinnamon increases blood flow to, you know, your dick and shit.” Matt mumbled ever so elegantly.

Dom smirked before quietly answering back. The lack of light made it all more intimate, as if they could whisper to each other like the only people in existence.

“How romantic, watching out for my ‘dick and shit’,” Dom answered playfully.

“My civic duty as your boyfriend, Matthew ‘Protector of Dom’s Dick and Shit’ Bellamy”, he giggled out.

“Mhm.” Dom let out a content sigh. “I can feel your voice, deep in your ribs.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s sexy as fuck, Matt,” he admitted.

Matthew let out a proper laugh. “Now that’s the cinnamon talking.”

i need to clean up this account it's so messy right now
it's not that i dont know the code, im just too lazy to format things right
an update on writing: I have no motivation. whatsoever. i give up on trying to write anything but porn for snowpremacy.

Title: It's Private
Author:

Dombell and

bellaliemy

bellaliemy /

bellaliemy
Pairing: Matthew Bellamy/Chris Wolstenholme
Rating: Explicit
WARNINGS: Strong language.
Summary: Matt's a fucken ass and won't leave Chris alone. But like, Chris is a DaddyTM so you know what that means.
Disclaimer: Fiction

Author's Note: I'm posting this here with Dombell's permission. Enjoy!
( It's Private )

reading these tea time fics is great fun, but I don't think I'll ever write as well as some of these people.

they are
U L T R A T A L E N T E D

but also now that this event is almost done it leaves me craving more fics

i hope to GOD people keep writing after this

Current Music: Still Sane by Lorde

I've developed a slight addiction to photoshop and this has drained all my motivation or inspiration for writing oh no

Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Not Rated
WARNINGS: language, self harm, suicide
Summary: a really bad day
Disclaimer: This story is fictional.
Author’s Note: An old emo fic I wrote as a way to vent. Sorry for bad formatting as I am updating from my phone on a bus.

I sat awkwardly and clawed at my hair. “Too long, too long,” I muttered to myself. It itched my neck and added to my nervousness. I scratched my scalp harshly, and it took effort not to rip the strands out on impulse. Staring blankly at the brown strands that I clenched in my hands, I longed to pull my hair back behind a hat. Maybe that would help keep it out of mind. I desperately wanted, no, needed a haircut.

I forgot to respond as my dead name was called in home room, prompting my teacher to yell my name across the room before it dawned on me to respond. It was my first day of highschool, and I was uncomfortable as fuck. My mother had dressed me in an itchy knee-length plaid dress in order to, quote, “not look so dyke-ish”. I loathed every hour, every minute, every goddamn second spent in that dress that day. The stress of a whole new school in a whole new place was awful enough, but I could take that. This, this fucking dress, this fucking hair, this fucking body, I couldn’t stand. It was impossible for me to concentrate on my classes when every time i turned my head the feeling of my hair, the tug of the dress on my too-wide hips, the stares when I itched my unwanted breasts, the constant bombardment of my dead name, it all would remind me of the truth. I was stuck in the cell of this body for life, and I didn’t even have control over my flesh prison.

The day flashed past me as I walked from class to class as a zombie, lost in the dissociative hatred of myself. Lunch rolled around and I found myself in the restroom, staring into the mirror at someone I didn’t recognize, didn’t want to recognize. A ghost stared back at me, a shell of a person.

I had promised myself a fresh start, a new year to establish my sense of identity, and this was exactly what I feared would happen.

The door opened.

Shit.

“Wha- Why the fuck are you in here?”

I realized my mistake once again. I had used the wrong bathroom.

The figure at the door kept talking. And talking. God, he wouldn’t shut up.

“Are you lost? The girl’s restroom is right over across the hall. I can help you get there, if you need? Aren’t you that new girl in my history class? My name’s Dom, come on, I’ll help you find the right restroom.” He grabbed my arm and rushed me out of there before I got the chance to protest. It was the most horrifyingly humiliating moment of my day, and with the look on the guy’s face I knew I had scared him. But as I looked again, he was blushing at our joined hands. Fucking blushing!

“Why do you look so sad? You’re such a beautiful girl, you should smile more.” He flashed a fake smile.

It was all just too much for me. I just fucking broke.

As soon as he let go, I bolted. I ran out the school, out into the street. Cars honked and swerved as I sprinted through the traffic towards home. Mom was sure to still be at work. I didn’t stop until I found myself in my mother’s bathroom.

My hair was all over my face, sticking to my sweaty forehead. I grabbed a handful and just fucking yanked and screamed as a bloody clump fell out. I kept pulling and pulling until half my hair was missing and blood ran freely down my neck. Losing all control, I fell down in a pathetic clump on the floor, staining the floor red.

“Too long...”

My body shook with sob after sob as I thought about my next move. My fingernails dug into my palms until they too bled. My cheek pressed against the cold tile, my tears mixing with the blood blurred my vision. But that wasn’t enough to block my view of an old bottle of oxycodone laying on the floor. Without hesitation, my arm shot out to grab the pills. There was no doubt in my mind, no second thought to my life as I swallowed every last pill and waited for the end. I laughed softly at my meaningless existence before my sobs took hold of me once again.

“Too long..too long..”

Title: Dick Town In Matt's Ass
Author: dronesforhands /

bellaliemy
Pairing: Matthew Bellamy/Dom Howard/Elle Evans
Rating: Explicit
WARNINGS: Porn.
Disclaimer: Fiction

Author's Note: Fic based off my love for Elle. Also, at just over 4k, it's my longest fic to date, yay!
Dedicated to elladifi

( read )

Current Mood: numb
Current Music: Antivist by Bring Me The Horizon

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Radio/Video by SOAD

Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Teen
WARNINGS: mentions of smut
Summary: His Golden Dominic
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. The characters, however, aren't.
Author's Note: Birthday gift for the amazing maffffoo. ily! This is also inspired by elladifi's Memories.

( Golden )

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Team by Lorde

Title: the churro fic
Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Matthew Bellamy/Other
Rating: Explicit
WARNINGS: smut. poor spelling for humorous effect
Summary: churros up the ass
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. The characters, however, aren't.
Author's Note: My first fanfic that I ever wrote.
( churro fic )

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Royals by Lorde

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope i dont get banned

yall ready for when i hit with that "Dick Town In Matt's Ass"
cant wait for ppl once again to yell at me for Thinking Elle Is Good and exposing Matt's Mommy Kink.
short summary atm is that it's a dom elle and matt threesome and matt is a Sub Sugar Daddje like usual

Current Music: Herzeleid by Rammstein

Title: Can I Make You Stay?
Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Explicit
WARNINGS: Swearing, Smut. This is porn.
Summary: A pizza delivery leads to a new opportunity
Disclaimer: Fiction

Author's Note: I know, I know, my writing style has changed a lot between chapters. That's because the first couple chapters were written over a year ago, and I'm trying to finish this fic now. I can't be bothered to go back and rewrite when it's already on AO3 as awful as it is.

Thanks for reading my porn; hopefully I can write an ending soon. I've been busy on other fics.

( read here )

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Mein Teil - Rammstein

Title: Can I Make You Stay?

Author: dronesforhands

Pairing: Belldom

Rating: M for language, suicide mention

WARNINGS: Swearing, suicidal thoughts, more biphobia

Summary: A pizza delivery leads to a new opportunity.

Disclaimer: It's fiction

Author's Note: Another short chapter at 382 words. I wrote this so long ago, and I know this is not a good chapter. It's also the last old chapter, so only new stuff from here on out. (aka not so crappy)

“You’re-?

“I quit at the firm ‘cause I was suicidal. My fiancé had left me after I told her about my past of dating guys. People at the firm began to talk, saying I was a pussy to let her dump me right before our wedding. I was to kill myself when I got home, but I didn't. I was too much of a pussy to go through, so I told myself to fix my life if I couldn't end it.”

Matt took a deep breath to hold back the tears.

“My music fixes me.”

I felt the shame rise to my face.

I sat for several moments, awkward and drunk, as Matt took a long swallow. I was sure he was going to kick me out. Why the fuck did I have to say all that shit?

“Don’t get all quiet on me, Dom. It’s not your fault. If all that shit didn’t happen, I would’ve kept living my life as a lie.”

“Right, right. I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be, please.”

A few moments passed before Matt spoke, as if he was testing unsure ground.

“.. Hell , I wouldn’t be here, talking to such a looker like you,” Matt smiled, slurring slightly. The lonely look had disappeared.

My cheeks flushed with relief.

Two could play at this game.

I finished my beer and made my way towards the kitchen. “As if you could land me ,” I quipped.

I went and nosed around his kitchen for another beer. As I closed the refrigerator, Matt materialized behind the door with a miffed look.

“What do you mean by that?!”

“I mean that I don’t throw myself at every customer that offers me drinks and pizza.”

Matt moved closer. “Well, if you don’t mind me asking, just how many customers do?”

I cocked my head to the side innocently and matched his step closer. “Do what? Do me?”

“Fucking idiot,” he chuckled breathily, “sure, how many get the honor?”

I looked upwards, feigning deep thought. “So far, none, but there is this one lad..”

“Hmm?” Matt crossed his arms. “Do I know him?”

“Well, for one thing, he sure is an idiot.”

“How so?”

“Cause he still hasn’t kissed me yet.”

Matt didn’t miss a beat as he met his mouth to mine.

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: glorious at SBE

i dont know how to fucken use dreamwidth to save my life. this shit is like actively not user friendly whatsoever. it makes me feel like a dumbass who cant use a computer even though i am literally a computer programmer

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Verano by PJ Sin Suelo

Title: Can I Make You Stay?
Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: Overall, Explicit. This chapter is T for swearing and drunkenness
WARNINGS: biphobia, angst, swearing
Summary: A pizza delivery leads to a new opportunity
Disclaimer: it's fiction
Author’s note: This was supposed to be a quick fic I started a year ago from some prompt on tumblr, but I forgot to finish it. Just recently I'm trying to give it an ending. I don't remember what I originally meant to write so it has basically become emo pwp. Also I am really bad at using dreamwidth, sorry for formatting errors.
Also, sorry about short chapters. This one is 416 words.

“That’ll be $15.47, sir.”

As the man took his pizza, he blurted:

“Can I make you stay? It’s late, gotta be towards the end of your shift..”

The question hung in the air just as I started for my next delivery. It wasn’t the weirdest request I’d gotten as my time as a pizza delivery guy. Hell, it seemed as if this job was a magnet for creepy shit. In my opinion, some days I just don’t get paid enough.

This guy seemed to be nice enough, I thought. His apartment was sparse, though, as if he still hadn’t moved in.

However, my hopes for a decent tip from the next delivery were out the window if I lingered any longer.

“I’ve got some beers and pizza with your name on it. If you choose to stay, that is. Imagine the tip.”

Against my better judgement, I stayed. It was probably the lonely eyes and sad demeanour of this so called “Matt”.

An hour later, we were drunk and happy.

Matt told me how he quit his job as a lawyer months back to pursue his music. His only problem was finding the right people for the right sound. He’d gone through countless genres looking for people who understood him, only to be told he couldn't do this, or do that.

I told him how I was in a rough patch, looking for a better job while delivering pizzas. I’d been laid off my job as a nurse after being outed by my ex-girlfriend as bi.

“They said, and I quote, ‘I’m sorry Mr. Howard but we can’t ruin our hospital with someone as risky as yourself’. They acted as if I had fucking AIDS or something.”

“What kind of douche pudding is that?! You should’ve sued”.

“Yeah, right, Matt.”

Matt sat up straight. “No -fuck-”, he spilled some beer on his Nirvana shirt, “You really should sue.”

“Matt, I don't have the money to sue at the moment nor the will to do it. I’d be outed to my whole family in the process, win or lose, and I run the risk of never getting hired again. Plus, do you know just how many people, gay and straight, ‘can’t trust a bi guy’ ? So let's just leave it”.

“Well, okay then.”

The heavy silence hung between us for a few seconds.

“Did it ever occur to you that you're not the only bi guy with problems?”

Matt’s eyes were just as lonely as before.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Las Balas Lloran by PJ Sin Suela

Title: Dysphoria
Author: dronesforhands
Pairing: Matt Bellamy/Chris Wolstenholme
Rating: Mature
WARNINGS: Suicidal Thoughts, Transphobia, Slurs, Strong Language
Summary: Puberty's a bitch.
Disclaimer: As far as I know, Matt isn't actually trans, and neither of them are anything but straight. Entirely fictional, a product of projecting on my idols
Author’s note: My first Wobell fic. I'm surprised at how fast I wrote this tbh. As always, I crave feedback and validation.

Puberty’s a bitch. Everyone knows that. What I mean to tell you is, puberty was a real mess of a bitch to me. I never much liked the way I was, I was always shorter and skinnier than all the other guys, but it didn’t much bother me until it happened. It’s not that I didn’t know it was coming. I just choose not to think of it, I mean, I was too happy to think of the shitstorm ahead. Everything was alright in those days, not always perfect, but it was enough for me, just being one of the guys. Me and my mates Chris and Tom would play football in the streets, just shirtless and happy kids, until the neighbors shooed us away. Even then, we’d stay out til dusk kicking the ball around. Only then would we return to Chris’s home, giddy from who knows what, was it just the sheer joy of youth? It was total bliss. I could live in the present, without pressure from anyone to conform to anything. I would stay for hours, long after Tom left, joking with Chris as we played video games long into the night. As we got older, Chris would always talk of his plans for the future, how he wanted to be a veterinarian, but it was too gay, wasn’t it, Chris would say. That’s what all the girls want to be, Chris said. And then it slipped, I almost didn’t hear it, he muttered so quietly. You should know. Thinking back, I know he didn’t mean any harm by it, but it stung, it really did. See? Even my happiest memories are tainted. No rest for the weary, they say. And I am so fucking sick of this. My body is my greatest vice, you’d think it’d be otherwise. Ever since it happened, I can’t look at myself without feeling nauseous. These things, these awful breasts, didn’t grow overnight, I know, I’m not a total idiot, but the first time it truly got to me, I wanted to die. The first day of high school had just ended, and I wanted, needed a game or two to get rid of the stress of new faces. I always am terrible in new groups of people, and Chris wasn’t in any of my classes. I felt lost without him, he was always there, but now he was at a different school. As normal, I went to Chris’s house for some football. Instead of Tom’s usual blue bike in the yard, there was another bike, an unfamiliar yellow one with blue floral pattern. I thought Tom had simply gotten a new one, I was so clueless. Naively, I barged in, taking off my shirt and balling it so I had a projectile to throw at Tom for his gay ass bike. Briefly, I wondered why they weren’t already outside as I started shouting for them. That’s when I bumped into her. I couldn’t give you her name even if you threatened to rip out my eyeballs. What I do remember, however, is the absolute horrid glare she gave me when she saw me, naked to her eyes. And the scream, oh god, the scream haunts my nightmares still today. You woulda thought I was murdering her with my nudity. Chris came barreling into the room, as if he was expecting a texas chainsaw massacre remake in his hallway. His lips were swollen, and it didn't take much for me to guess what they had been up to. I still remember the way how he looked at me, then her, and then back to me. But he wasn’t really looking at me, no, he was looking more so at those awful growths on my chest. I could see fear in his eyes. Matty, you should maybe put your shirt back on, he said. That’s when it really got to me. Before that moment, I never gave a single damn about what people thought. But things changed then and there. Automatically, I threw the shirt back on, all the while running, no, sprinting away from that house. I wanted to scream, punch someone, rip off my own goddamn chest. I wound up by the river, god knows I didn't have the strength to face my mother then. She's a bit less understanding than most, even now. Chris was always my escape from her.

Staring at the water, I stood there for quite some time. I don't remember how long, but I know it was dark by the time I chickened out. Lemme tell you, I was prepared to end it in that river. Death seemed better than ever facing Chris again, but I don't know what stopped me. I really don't. The water was suddenly waist deep and it was dark as shit, and all I thought was how Chris looked so damn scared. It killed me, to see him scared of me, to have to rescue that girl from me like I was some sort of monster. I really wanted to kill myself then, and I honestly should have gone through with it, cause this sort of shit is my everyday. I mean, Chris and I are friends again, shit, I think might even love him, but it took a while and he definitely dropped that bitch. Still, I get looks all the time, looks that say who's that dyke over there? and scream look at that fucking tranny, it's a real shame she's so confused. And I hate it, it really gets to me sometimes, that I can't just escape it. I’m not even sure I can trust Chris sometimes, with memories like these. I know, I know, he's changed, but still, the movie theater in the back of my head loves to rewind these moments for me. It’s kinda difficult to be a guy when you're shorter, skinnier, weaker, and a whole ton more female than you signed up for.

I told ya, puberty’s a real motherfucking bitch.

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: The Evil Has Landed - Queens of the Stone Age

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Ray

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